10 Things I Hate About Irvine

10. Taco Bell qualifies as ethnic food. Chile’s counts as gourmet dining.

9. Drivers who think the bicycle lane is a right turn lane.

8. Supermarkets that charge you 30% more because you don’t have some silly plastic card.

7. Paranoid residents who lock themselves up in gated communities in case brown people drive by (except for the ones who cut the grass, of course.)

6. No laundromats. If you aren’t rich enough to buy your own washer and dryer, go live somewhere else.

5. No parking signs everywhere, but you have to have a car to go anywhere.

4. Homeowners associations that refuse to tell you what the rules are but will ticket you for violating them.

3. Walk signals that last approximately 0.4 seconds before they start blinking red.

2. Farmers’ markets where frozen Alaskan fish and Mexican vegetables count as local food.

And the number one thing I hate about Irvine:

1. 50 mph local roads, 10 mph freeways.

And one bonus item, which didn’t make the above list only because it covers the entire county:

Sheriffs who don’t believe there’s such a thing as the Fourth Amendment until they themselves are indicted.

9 Responses to “10 Things I Hate About Irvine”

  1. John Cowan Says:

    On a pension equal to 100% of salary, my heart doesn’t break for him.

    But let’s also mention the outrageous energy inefficiency of the non-NYC lifestyle, starting with cars and going on to detached houses, each of which has to be heated and cooled separately.

  2. SusanJ Says:

    I have to laugh! Lived there 8 years. Went back to grad school at UCI and left when I finished my Ph.D. 31 years ago. I know it’s grown hugely since then. However, even though I moved to a beautiful area in the Rockies, I missed the Irvine weather and the closeness of the ocean for years.

    This link might be useful:

  3. Stephen Gilbert Says:

    > Supermarkets that charge you 30% more because you don’t have some silly plastic card.
    I agree with this one and have stopped going to stores that do this. In the Newport-Mesa area that means I skip Ralphs, Albertsons and Vons and shop at Staters Bros., Trader Joes or Mothers.

    I also agree about the drivers in the bike lane. I don’t think you really need a car to go anywhere, though. I’ve started my car only once in the last month (on a day that it rained.) I’ve found that I can get pretty much anywhere on my bike; I generally go only as far north as Long Beach or south as far as Laguna. I get off work after 10 PM, so riding in the dark is kind of scary as well. Other than the lack of 100% bike-lanes, though, I find it a pretty bicycle friendly area.

  4. Lorenzo Gatti Says:

    50 mph local roads, 10 mph freeways.

    This I cannot understand. Are your “freeways” actually narrow alleys full of schools and hospitals?
    Maybe the mentioned sheriffs are desperate to give speeding tickets?

  5. Steven Says:

    It’s the law:

    “The white line will usually be broken near the corner and the words “BIKE LANE” will be painted in the lane. When you are making a right turn and are within 200 feet of the corner or other driveway entrance, you must enter the bike lane for the turn.”

    You haven’t looked hard enough. The newer neighborhoods in Irvine are probably 50% Asian and 20% Persian. There’s plenty of ethnic food. Try Jeffrey & Walnut or Culver & Walnut. (http://elmomonster.blogspot.com/)

  6. ewinslow Says:

    As one who is thinking about a move to California from the East Coast this list is interesting.

    When do we get to see the Top 10 Things I like about Irvine?

  7. Elliotte Rusty Harold Says:

    When I get to 10. At last count, I had 2. :-(

  8. Perry Says:

    You never did mention why the move to California. New faculty position on the West Coast?

  9. Quit Whining Says:

    What a bunch of whining.

    #7 Are those people actually bothering you in some way, or do you just like to pass judgement on and stereotype people you don’t know?

    #6 Is owning a washer and dryer now the qualification for being considered rich? You can’t afford a washer and dryer? If not, I suggest moving to a part of the country with a lower cost of living. Sounds like you’re a victim of washer-and-dryer discrimination. Have you contacted a lawyer?

    Next time you move to another part of the country, you might consider doing some research before you move and even going to visit the area to check things out. You could have discovered most of these on a weekend visit. Of course, if you can’t afford a washer and dryer, you probably can’t afford a plane ticket either.

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